Navigating Change Together: Tips for Two Married Men During Life Transitions

Can you believe this? I have been married to my husband for more than 12 years (19 years in total). APPLAUSE I APPLAUSE I APPLAUSE

And, one thing that has been constant throughout our marriage has been change. Jonathan and I have moved five times in the past 13 years, each move presenting new challenges, opportunities, and, of course, doubts. There have been moments in our journey together where I found myself questioning not just where we were going, but whether this was the life I truly wanted or whether my needs were being met in the way I hoped.

In relationships, it’s normal to have these moments of uncertainty, especially when life throws curveballs. For me, each move brought with it a sense of disorientation—new cities, new environments, new stresses—and with that came a natural questioning of our relationship. Was I happy? Were my emotional needs being fulfilled? Was I still growing in the ways I wanted to, both as an individual and as part of a couple?

There were times when I wondered if we were growing apart, or if I was compromising too much of my own identity in the process. It’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos of change, and there were moments when the tension felt overwhelming. Yet, through it all, I’ve come to realize that these questions were not signs of a failing relationship, but rather markers of growth—an invitation to examine how we were both adapting, adjusting, and evolving together.

1. The Natural Doubts of Transition

Each move brought its own set of challenges—new jobs, new homes, new routines. And with those changes, came the inevitable moments where I questioned whether I was truly where I wanted to be. There were days when I felt disconnected from myself, and by extension, from Jonathan. In those moments, I wondered if the constant change was eroding the connection between us. Was I losing touch with the person I had been, or the person I was becoming?

It’s hard not to question everything when your life feels like it's in flux. During these times, I often had to remind myself that it was normal to feel this way. Questioning your choices and your happiness is part of being human. What was important, though, was that Jonathan and I both acknowledged these feelings and created space to talk about them honestly. The awareness that we could express our doubts and still feel heard and supported was invaluable.

2. Feeling Like My Needs Weren't Being Met

There were also times when I felt like my emotional needs weren’t being fully met. Moving so frequently can take a toll, not just on the logistics of life but on the intimacy of a relationship. When you're uprooted and thrown into a new world, it can sometimes feel like you're doing everything just to survive—without focusing on nurturing your bond with the person who’s by your side through it all.

In moments like these, I found myself reflecting on whether I was getting the emotional connection and support I needed. Was Jonathan truly seeing me, or was I just another person navigating the chaos with him? Those moments led me to question if I was being honest about my own needs—if I was expressing myself fully, or if I was simply going through the motions of life in a way that didn’t fully satisfy my emotional hunger.

We all go through seasons of unmet needs, and it’s in those times that the honesty in our relationship became crucial. By opening up about feeling disconnected or unsure, we created the space to explore what we needed from each other. It wasn’t always easy, but it was necessary. And in that honesty, we found a deeper understanding of how we could continue meeting each other’s needs in a way that made us both feel valued and heard.

3. Respect, Communication, and a Lot of Fun

Despite the doubts, despite the questions, there were also moments of deep clarity. We came to realize that the foundation of our relationship—respect, open communication, and shared joy—was what allowed us to navigate these transitions and overcome those challenging moments of uncertainty.

Respect, at the core, meant that we gave each other the space to express our doubts and frustrations without judgment. We were both allowed to question what we needed, what we wanted, and whether we were heading in the right direction. It didn’t make our struggles disappear, but it allowed us to face them together.

Open communication was the tool that helped us explore these questions and fears, as uncomfortable as they sometimes were. There were moments when I wasn’t sure if I could fully articulate what I needed, but Jonathan was patient, listening not just for what I was saying, but for what I wasn’t saying. We made a conscious effort to stay connected, even when the world around us felt uncertain.

And through it all, we never lost sight of the importance of fun. When everything else felt overwhelming, a shared laugh or a spontaneous adventure reminded us that joy was still possible, even amidst the chaos. These moments of lightness gave us the strength to continue working through the tougher moments.

The journey of five moves, five new beginnings, has not been easy. There have been moments when I wondered if I was truly fulfilled, if my needs were being met, and if this was the life I had envisioned. But those moments of doubt were not signs of failure—they were invitations for both of us to reassess our relationship, to ensure that we were still aligned in our goals, values, and desires.

We’ve learned that questioning doesn’t have to mean breaking down; it can be a catalyst for building something even stronger. By approaching our doubts with respect, honesty, and communication, we have not only weathered the storm but found new depths in our relationship. And through all of it, we’ve learned that love is not just about perfect harmony—it’s about navigating the messy, uncertain, and challenging moments together, and finding joy and meaning in the journey.

If you’re in a relationship and find yourself questioning things, I want to assure you that it’s okay. Life will test you, and there will be moments of doubt, but the key is not to shy away from those feelings. Embrace them, communicate openly, and remember that respect, fun, and a commitment to growth are what can help you and your partner evolve, no matter where life takes you.